You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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