Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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