So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
