i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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