I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she peed on how many people?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
