every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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