so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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