i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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