bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
