felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
