i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
