tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
