OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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