She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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