did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
