But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
