why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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