One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
