i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
