I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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