someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
