I heard we made out
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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