apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
