I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have demons in me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
