I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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