After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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