Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
