So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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