i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
