um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
