Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
