you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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