every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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