what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
