how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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