I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
