I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
