the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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