I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
