She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
