shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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