I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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