Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
