Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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