I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
