Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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