the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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