This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
