Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
