I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
