Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
