This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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