nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
