i jhust puked up my retainher.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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